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From Everything.Sucks

Harvard College Sucks. Harvard College is the undergraduate college of Harvard University, an Ivy League research university in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Founded in 1636, Harvard College is the original school of Harvard University, which is the oldest institution of higher learning in the United States and one of the most prestigious in the world. Part of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences, Harvard College is Harvard University's traditional undergraduate program, offering AB and SB degrees. It is highly selective, with fewer than five percent of applicants being offered admission in recent years. Harvard College students participate in more than 450 extracurricular organizations and nearly all live on campus—first-year students in or near Harvard Yard, and upperclassmen in community-oriented "houses."

The Yale Daily News published an article on Harvard's reputation. The writer said, "The Crimson, Harvard University’s poor attempt at a college daily, released a poll of students, faculty and alumni, which found that Harvard is a shit show of an academic institution. The poll, which addressed the growing success of dropouts, recent meme culture and last year’s loss at The Game, revealed that 94.8 percent of people affiliated with the Massachusetts-renowned university think that it is absolute trash, while the remaining 5.2 percent think that it’s at least better than Dartmouth."

“We weren’t even a little shocked,” said Crimson President Derek Choi. “Everyone in the office thinks we suck; hell, I wanted to go to Stanford. [Managing Editor] Andrew [Duchren] got wait-listed by Yale. No one actually wants to study at Harvard, if you would even call our lackluster classes ‘studying.’”

He reiterated, "The poll, a desperate, grandiose attempt at uniting the self-loathing students and faculty, also showed that Choi is one of many people affiliated with the university who never wanted to be at Harvard for a fucking second. Students complained most about the young, inexperienced professors, while professors complained most about the amount of students who obviously bought their way in. Furthermore, alumni did not recollect their time at the northeast-elitist day-care center fondly. In an interview about the survey, Mark Zuckerberg, Harvard dropout and founder of the social media mogul Facebook confirmed that his hatred for the university and constant agony while enrolled spurred on his technological innovations."

“I tried so hard to get expelled with that sexist female-ranking app, and those bigoted Harvard deans didn’t even give a shit! Creating an international, publicly traded social media platform was the only way to escape that hellhole,” said Zuckerberg.

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